I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
