Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
