I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
