Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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