bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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