alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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