You're my little dorito
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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