THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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