I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
