Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
