I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish i was in the wii world.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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