who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
