I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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