She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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