i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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