dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
