There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
