OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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