Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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