I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
