Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
