apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i've created a new STD.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
