I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
