If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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