bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
