hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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