i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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