I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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