that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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