Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
