so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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