Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
