no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
