So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
