just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
