Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
