I need help removing her.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
