My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
