I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
