last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A+ Viking dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
