dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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