morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
