Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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