You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
