I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
