he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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