Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
