Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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