Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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