it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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