If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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