I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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