I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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