guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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