now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
