and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
