The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
