I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
