thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
