did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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