U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
