Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
