YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
