Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The power of my boobs compel you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
