oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
