When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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