got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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