and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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