I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
