One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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