I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
