My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
